Friends. Rhodeses. Columbuses! Lend me your ears! Do you have the mind to mine for cultural collateral? Do you want to be able to honestly say “I paid for it and I paid them directly” and “look at all the economic prosperity” while profiting from other people's creative work? Sure, it’s not quite arriving uninvited by boat and claiming all the natural resources, but it is staking a blockchain flag in a newly “discovered” virtual territory, well within the tried and true tradition of claiming ownership of things that already exist. You're a pioneer! A visionary! Modernizing a storied legacy. The old way of pillaging has left a bad taste in our mouth but you acquire new things the new way! Hell, you acquire old things the new way! You're not interested in occupying continents, controlling minor outlying islands and plundering for valuable gemstones, those are passé. The physical world is just so bleh and you know it! To hell with things and people, you want the big business of owning the recognition of value. So philosophical! So meta! You must be smart! The inkling of an idea belongs to the highest bidder. You, my friend, are a high roller at the abstract table of cultural relevance, and so your opportunities are infinite. The cloud is just waiting to be settled, filling up with goodies not meant for the physical world. All those artifacts and digital creations in it, just looking to be claimed by someone who actually knows what to do with it. You know what to do with it: absolutely nothing. Nothing but pay for possession — whatever that means — and talk about it loudly. People may have woken up to the evils of "colonization" (ew!), but they're ok with this! Excited about it, even! The public, collectively and suddenly, accepts this invented documentation of ownership written in a language most people don’t understand. Us visionaries love a new language to introduce new, totally fair rules! We make it sound shiny and seem official so they won't know enough to think badly of you. Score! This is how a random man comes to force a renowned dunk by LeBron James into virtual indentured servitude. A blurry contract of ownership, leaning towards indefinite, of something that is, by definition, not entirely yours but also totally yours. You could be that man! This moment of athletic excellence could have your anonymous digital identifier all over it. You don’t even have to be in shape! Others' creative work— and all the moments of our collective, documented past — is your gleaming trophy. Plus, no expenses on temperature controlled storage or extensive hierarchies of micromanagement like the old stuff. Phew! As far as you're concerned, NFT is code for New FronTier and you know enough to saddle up your cryptohorse. So grab your freshly minted coin, mute any earthly concern and giddy up. Don't worry, everyone is just fine with it!
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